Death doesn’t wait for everything to be perfect. There was this silly saying that I used to mindlessly repeat, that no one dies with an empty inbox. I thought I got it – that there will always be things to do.
But that’s not really what it means it all. It means that death is always going to be sudden, and cruel, and it doesn’t care about where you are in your life or what you’re on the cusp of. It doesn’t matter that you’re getting things together, that things are finally looking up. It doesn’t matter.
Two dear friends of mine were killed in a premeditated manner this week, and there was no real reason for it. They were tragically struck down, and then their killer committed suicide in a cemetery.
She had left her abusive ex boyfriend many years ago, but he never got over it. She and her current partner were together for years, happily. She was looking for a new job. She was doing well with her modeling. She had reconciled with her family.
Both of them were wonderful people who had plans and aspirations and goals and now it’s all gone and I’m having trouble processing that. I guess that’s why I need to write. It makes me focus on just one emotion at a time instead of this hodgepodge I’ve been dealing with since I found out.
But I think that’s what bothers me most. A friend had posted on her facebook wall saying she hadn’t heard back from her, but that she wanted to let my friend know she’d arrived home safely and would see her again soon.
We didn’t know at that time that she’d been murdered.
Death doesn’t wait for things to be set straight. There is no ‘setting your affairs in order’. Even for those that know ahead of time, there’s no way you can set aside all of those goals and dreams because of death. They don’t just disappear. We’re always in the middle of things, never knowing when it will all just… stop.
Never knowing when death might happen upon us.
There were so many things they should have been able to do. They should have lived a long and happy life together, joyous in each other and in their relationship. Celebrating life. They were both such good people, and it’s just not fair that they won’t get to do the things they wanted. That they won’t have the time to experience all they deserved.
I’m a woman of plans. I’m always living in the future, in what could be, in what’s just around the corner. I can never relax and enjoy my successes and my happiness because I always have to be working on the next great thing.
But in the end, I might never achieve anything more than this day.
Paris and Vinny were living their lives, doing their daily business when they were murdered. I doubt they had any way of knowing that this was going to be their last day.
It’s horrific that the world was robbed of them when they were simply… running errands. Living their life, day to day. Just doing the things that we’ve all done millions of times. And now, everything they’ve done, everything they’ve achieved… that’s it. There’s no further that they can go.
They’re just… gone.
And they both have so many wonderful people who will remember them, who they’ve touched.
One of the last posts she made on Facebook breaks my heart, because she was the most sincere person I ever knew.
“Don’t hurry through life, take time to enjoy it!”
She meant it. This wasn’t some trite piece of bullshit that she was spurting out.
She believed it, and she lived it every day. She lived in the present, and I know how deeply she affected the people around her.
I hope that I can one day take comfort in the fact that she truly did enjoy her life, and that she made the lives of the people around her so much better.
Michelle, my sincerest condolences. God takes us all in His time but that does not prevent us from asking “too soon?” I hope your dear friends’ families and friends can find solace in the joy they shared together. They say “time heals all wounds” but the fact is – the healing hurts.